Why is it ok for someone to expect a different reaction to their action for the same level of hurt? In my current relationship, I hurt him and “space” is needed for however long. In his mind, space = him being single or letting others perceive he is. When he hurts me, he needs forgiveness and resolution almost immediately. So, who is the dummy in this scenario, ME! Why is it ok for me to suffer longer for resolution? The answer is, it’s NOT!
I am starting to realize, as I give him the “space” he asked for, all of the past discrepancies I missed because I just wanted to be loved. I think about how many times I immediately gave in, the apologies I made that didn’t get an apology in return and self sacrifice of my boundaries and worth, just to get back to happy. Sometimes “space” in a relationship is helpful. We get fed up or overwhelmed with how our partner is or acts sometimes. We need to reflect if that is something we can live with going forward. In my case and with my personality, I need to talk it out and resolve to move forward. I have given this so much space this time it is now “distance”. The further away I feel from you, the more closed off I get until there is no coming back.
I have now been in this “space” purgatory for over two weeks. Small texts (I have initiated), one outing (I initiated) and one phone call (he initiated to determine the place for our outing), it’s torture for someone like me. My immediate response is “EF THIS!” I am out. Only because we have invested 8 months and professed undying love to each other do I let this continue. The question is WHY?? Why would I continue in this cycle with him that is self destructing? It’s time for me to stand my ground and get back to loving myself alone. I tried to be the loving devoted partner but I think I have done that enough. Back to being savage.
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